I can't believe I'm blogging about my pain...

Sometimes I wonder why I blog about my pain when I try so hard to forget about it. But I guess I've come to a point where I realized that a certain period of my life can never be forgotten and will always linger in my mind. And I guess if I were to forget the pain in my life, I wouldn't be who I am today...and blogging allows me to release the anger and sadness I have bottled inside from the past and really live my life truly and to move on...


I remember one incident which really hurt my mom...Looking back at it I really felt bad...


It was a family day at East Coast Park and we as a family decided to go cycling and have fun.But then my mom's phone rang and she used a track which I recorded secretly singing in my room on my phone and sent it to herself to use as he ringtone.I was so embarrassed I shouted at her and ran away from home. They searches the whole area and finally found me an I reluctantly went home.I was solo freaking angry with my mom and that very night I slashed my whole arm and made sure that the blood would cover y whole left arm and the next morning when she woke me up, she started sobbing profusely and she said 'WHY DID YOU DO THIS!?' while sobbing her eyes out. And with a smile I said 'it's a present to you'.OMG NOW LOOKING BACK AT THAT INCIDENT I FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE. For days she would cry in her room and y faker would Comfort her..It was not her fault that I was so sensitive and she was just having fun. She even went to force me to cut her because she said it would 'hurt her less'...Yes it was painful to see her like that.


But I guess that point of my life is over and done with, and I'm a much happier person now...And less sensitive. And definately a much better person!




LAZY LEON

What do you do when you get mad?

Some people scream, some people exercise and others blog. For me, I have a mix of everything.If you had read some blog posts in the past, you would know that I used to cut myself to relief pain,stress or anger.But now,I found a much better way of releasing my anger towards something : Painting. But not just any type of painting, it's a style with lots of emotion in it called 'Expressive Painting' . Call me weird,but this is one of the most cathartic methods of releasing stress I have ever tried! Okay so a few days ago, I quarrelled with my mom because she didn't understand why I did the things I do (e.g wanting to be an individual by dressing up however I want to and wearing outrageous outfits) and even blamed my friends as influences and wanted me to stop seeing them. Angry, I decided to unleash my rage on the wall of my small little 200 square feet room... and left a post-it note on the wall saying 'Dear Mom,I'm not trying to hurt you,I was just releasing my anger'' The result was this :

 

 

 

I just dripped magenta acrylic paint and just scratched and attacked my wall like a madman. Strangely enough, I felt great after that...Although my heart was still racing and I was sweating like a dog( Just an analogy), I felt relieved. I'm not encouraging you guys to go all rampagy on your room but I was just sharing my personal experience...
Okay so you want to know how my mom reacted to this. She was quite mad at first but after she saw the note she calmed down a little. I told her that this was a great way for me to express my anger and she mellowed down a little. I agreed that I would paint over the wall to cover it up because she,being an auspicious person, didn't want the room looking like a murder scene. So I'm gonna re-paint my wall,but I assured my mom that the wall would definately be ruined again...