Gay-acting straight dudes,wassup with that?

I don't really get the whole 'gay-acting' thing with straight dudes...Seriously? We're in college and you guys are groping each other like a bunch of intellectually challenged idiots. Guys groping and smacking asses in public is just embarrassing. I'm really confused yet amused at the same time. I have been in a single sex school(Boys School) for 10 years of my life and believe me, I've seen some strange things...I thought college would allow me to see guys in a more mature light but I guess I was wrong. What's ironic is not the fact that the guys are straight,but they are the 'stereotypical' straight guys who uses offensive terms such as 'faggots' and insults the LGBT community!IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.They practically make a joke out of a deep issue and it really pisses me off. There's this guy in my class with a HUGE EGO,let's call him H, and when I say huge I mean DYNAMITE EGO who walks with a swag and stares at his reflection at any reflective surfaces...INCLUDING A PUDDLE OF WATER,THAT'S HOW VAIN HE IS...Ok anyway, he prances around the school thinking he's all that and every word out of his mouth is a swear word.Whether it is 'wtf' or 'fk you', it's in every sentence. Ok back to the point..He is the 'typical straight guy' who doesn't get the introvert guys and tries his best to make them feel uncomfortable.Including me.Whether it's a wink, an 'air lick',or putting his arms around me.And the worst part is,he only acts like that infront of introvert guys!Infront of girls he acts all chilvalrous and charming,so when I tell all my girlfriends about his repulsive behavior,they don't get it.  You see,with typical straight dudes, they think everything is a joke.So it's redundant to fight back.Instead, I join in on the joke by 'repaying' his 'nice' gestures to make him feel uncomfortable and guess what? It works.ughh...typical of the human race.When the jokes on them, they're not laughing anymore...
So don't be afraid to turn the tables on a bully,when you back down,your on the losing end.In fact,with dudes like H, the only thing you need to do is immitate his gestures,because guys like him aren't able to handle their own ego,let alone their jokes.

Computer Addiction

If we could simply just 'level up' and rise in social status that easily, life for me would be much better...

It's close to the exams and what a bad time to get addicted to computer games again...and WORST of all, it's MapleStory ... The game which got me into a hell lot of trouble in a major exam last year. I don't know why I keep digging my own grave but now I'm trying to practice self control...Argh!!!
Maybe it's because I am able to act out a different persona online...as a woman...Why must I have to hide my sexuality? I think gaming is the only way I can express myself without being judged...By taking on an avatar, I'm giving myself a whole new persona to embody. But this also takes away my true self... Why is life so hard???

Photography Trip To Arab Street

Since my previous blog post was about the cheap and great accessories you could find in Arab Street,I decided to do something related to Arab Street too.Me and a few of my art classmates went to Arab Street on a recent photography trip intended to capture the sights and sounds of Arab Streets. My friends took amazing photos capturing Architectural details,lines and colour contrast and I thought I would share them with you guys...

Hope you enjoyed the pics =)

Hi all

Just to introduce myself. I am a teenage boy from Singapore and I just created this blog to vent my anger on certain issues. Some of which people don't really get... First off, today was a horrible day. I felt so horrible. Ok it began last week when we were assigned a group project work by our teacher and we as a grouip discussed that I was supposed to do a certain portion of a written report. The same week, I had pulled all-nighters to complete school work and stuff, and decided I should get a doctor's approval to excuse myself from school the next day. So anyway I was supposed to email my portion of the work allocated but I was so tired I dozed off! Yes, I know it was my fault, but the next day when I woke up I received a call from my group member in a sort of monotonous voice. As if they had given up on me and simply said 'Yea it's too late but just email it to the group email'.Which I did. I felt so bad I apologised and they accepted my apology. But today when I went back to school... THE WHOLE CLASS did not even talk to me. It was as if my group had bitched about me to everyone. I felt so awkward in class. The worst of all, my group leader was distributing candy she had bought from a convenience store to the whole class but me!! OMG. So I simply asked her 'Hey are you still angry with me?' and she was like 'No,wait Yes, no...I mean yes'. Which she obviously was still angry. Anyway, the her and my other group member decided to have a little conversation on who would they want to do badly in the upcoming exams so they would retain at this level. My group leader said ' I hope they get what they deserve' . <- I brushed it off since it may not refer to me. And then... the group member said something with my name in it!!! So I asked him 'Yes? What is it?' and he just said ' Nothing '...

 BITCH!!! DON'T PUT MY NAME IN YOUR MOUTH IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA SAY IT TO MY FACE!!!

 

 

Anyway, the whole 1 hour session of project work was sooo awkward because none of them were talking to me. I know it was my fault but must they be so cruel to insult me like that and even hope I retain? I seriously was so tensed my whole body felt hot. After project work was over, I decided to be the first one to leave the room and take a quiet seat in my school's cafe and have some time to myself. I tried to study but I couldn't. I just kept thinking of that incident and it made me feel so horrible and bad. I wished I could just die right there. People seem to treat me more cold and indifferently. Everyone seems to be cordial with me. Maybe it's because my group leader and my other group member were the more popular ones in my class. Seriously, I feel that people just don't get me.

I feel so lonely... Like a girl trapped in a guy's body. Why am I suffering so much? I can't even concnetrate on my studies... Why are guys so mean? I wish I could just perish from the face of this earth. If only I could tell people I am gay without them judging me or having pre-conceived notions... Guys would tease me, some girls wouldn't get why I'm always taking to them and think I'm some kind of a pervertic flirt... People don't get why I dress so flambouyantly... I'm so socially awkward and weird. Maybe I should stop pretending to be what I am not  : A socialite. I always try to socialise and talk to everyone around me even if I barely know them. just to keep myself company. But what I don't realize is that those friendships do not last. and once I stop talking to them for about a week or two, we would revert back to total strangers and maybe simply smile when I walk past them... I think I am the type of guy who should always be alone and doing my own thing to avoid drama....hmph

Why am I such a girlish guy? =(

Art Exibition...

Went to an art exebition the other day during art class...

I LOVED THE WORKS!

What do you do when you get mad?

Some people scream, some people exercise and others blog. For me, I have a mix of everything.If you had read some blog posts in the past, you would know that I used to cut myself to relief pain,stress or anger.But now,I found a much better way of releasing my anger towards something : Painting. But not just any type of painting, it's a style with lots of emotion in it called 'Expressive Painting' . Call me weird,but this is one of the most cathartic methods of releasing stress I have ever tried! Okay so a few days ago, I quarrelled with my mom because she didn't understand why I did the things I do (e.g wanting to be an individual by dressing up however I want to and wearing outrageous outfits) and even blamed my friends as influences and wanted me to stop seeing them. Angry, I decided to unleash my rage on the wall of my small little 200 square feet room... and left a post-it note on the wall saying 'Dear Mom,I'm not trying to hurt you,I was just releasing my anger'' The result was this :

 

 

 

I just dripped magenta acrylic paint and just scratched and attacked my wall like a madman. Strangely enough, I felt great after that...Although my heart was still racing and I was sweating like a dog( Just an analogy), I felt relieved. I'm not encouraging you guys to go all rampagy on your room but I was just sharing my personal experience...
Okay so you want to know how my mom reacted to this. She was quite mad at first but after she saw the note she calmed down a little. I told her that this was a great way for me to express my anger and she mellowed down a little. I agreed that I would paint over the wall to cover it up because she,being an auspicious person, didn't want the room looking like a murder scene. So I'm gonna re-paint my wall,but I assured my mom that the wall would definately be ruined again...

Nightmares

These few nights I've been getting nightmares... Nightmares which have been getting worse and worse. My mother has been woken up by my screaming and mumbling on few occasions. And on some occasions, I even wake up and sleepwalk...From what my mother has said, I have been turning on the lights in our house.. What's scary is that, I remember what the nightmares were. I remember on one night, a few weeks back, I dreamt that I was looking at guys on my computer screen...Then my mother barged into my room asking 'WHAT'S THIS!?! WHAT'S THIS!??' and I was screaming and crying.
 I know it's abit cliche for me to have everything on this blog linked back to my sexuality, but I feel that all my problems are tied in with my sexuality of being gay. But I don't think that's the true problem, I think it's the fact that I'm hiding it. I worry that one day...I may wake up dead... That would be the real nightmare...

Cutting myelf...school counsellor and coping methods...

If you have read a few blogposts back, you would know that I cut myself to handle stress. Not to cause suicide or anything,just to make my pain physical. and it does help for me though.But I have stopped for awhile now.But recently I went back to doing it again after friends started insulting me because of something I did which I will not mention.Anyway, after those friends found out they stopped their hate towards me and told a teacher about it. The teacher then sent me to the school counsellor where we both sat down and he talked about the problems.He gave me some useful tips to cope with my problem and to all the readers out there,please don't cut yourself,it leaves permanent scars and it will hurt when you look back at those scars symbolising the problems you had went through. Yes,over time,internal pain may heal but not fully,but by leaving physical scars on your skin,it serves as a picture of that painful period of time. So the counsellor suggested that exercising was a great method of coping with stress as it released endorphins or something like that which makes you feel better,and at the same time you could stay healthy. So readers out there,if you feel pained please do not cut yourself whether it is for attention or to feel physical pain because it is really not..worth it...Some friends have used this as a low blow against me and labelling me as weak and attention seeking which makes me want to go back to my former ways.It's really harmful so please....do not do it...

Best friends patching up! -Today is Saturday-20th March 2010

OH MY GOSH! Today,is a day,which is going to make history.Mr.  M ,V and S has finally got back together after a little less than several months of quarelling! Okay if you didn't know who M,V and S are,they were besties who were so tight you couldn't separated them even if you tried.Then at the start of this year,M and V were ignoring S as S did not reply V or M texts.Yea petty I know.But anyway since the start of the year the anger of M and V towards S just kept growing and growing and even led to several altercations in school which included shouting,low-blows and lots of badmouthing. V and M even went to the extent of gatecrashing S's meeting with his friends to make him look bad and he even started tearing up a little.OK BACK TO THE POINT. After months of quarrelling,their feud was solved by a caring teacher ,Janet,who helped create communication between them which allowed them to make-up.Anyway,today they started talking friendly which although was little,it's still a great start.Anyway in the afternoon,I called S only to find out that He was with ,V and M  at United Square having lunch!!!!!<<<----OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS *******ING DAY!!!!!! =DFinal Words: This day,20th March Saturday and right now at 5:10pm.I can officially announce they are well on their way to reconciliation! So stop the rumours about the carnival stuff that broke them up(Although I was the one who started it)I am really excited to see what is going to happen on Monday.This is like a dream come true.Thank you V,M and S for making this happen for me.Without you guys,I wouldn't be the rockstar I am today.Here are some fashion to depict the crazy times they had together.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading even if you didn't really get why I would write about the feud between my friends...haha but this was really meaningful to me.It showed how enemies could patch up and how fragile friendship really is.So please treasure your friends!

My pain has been noticed

Okay so if you guys have read a blog post earlier on about me cutting myself, I was caught. When my mom came in my room to wake me up one morning,she saw the cuts on my wrists and started crying. I told her that I did it for fun and I will never do it again, but it pained me to lie to her,as I knew I would do it again.It hurts so bad on the inside to handle stress this way.My mom is really upset and wants me to see a psychologist...I don't want to hurt her anymore...I don't...AHHH!!!!! Please get me out of this hell hole. =(

I am hurting inside...

Okay...My friends and family don't know this,but I cut myself when I am stressed out or angry over someone or something. At first it was just for fun,but when I was really angry I felt great after cutting myself.It's like I could feel the pain from the inside.It really hurts and I had to do it. When I quarrel with my friends over something I did,I hurt myself.When I accidentally did something wrong,I cut myself.It has finally evolved to a stage where I cut myself over the slightest things. It's such a painful thing mentally.But physically, it's gratifying. and being different in terms of sexuality does not help ONE BIT. Ugh,frustrating...