A little relieved now

I just received a text reply from May who says that she had forgiven me the moment she typed that blog post. I'm so relieved that my apology to her was accepted! I really treasure her as a friend and I hope that once we get past the hill of awkwardness in school we'll be back to normal    *cross fingers*...

I AM SUCH AN ASSHOLE!

Right now I am extremely depressed. Because of a blog post my friend wrote about. and It was about ME. Okay.So she's my art classmate,lets just call her May, and we both got C for Art for our promotional exam. So as a joke, I told her 'Haha, I got a C for art and I only did it in a day' in a joking manner as I knew her art work was way better than mine ; and at that moment she smiled too. But I these few days when I approached her and sat at her table, it seems she would just ignore me or give me one-lined answers, and would just plug in her ear piece and continue listening to her music. Anyway, this was the blog post she wrote about me...

I WAS SO HURT WHEN I READ THIS!!!

I didn't know she had so much hatred towards me while 'stupid little me' was thinking we were close and great friends. I can't beleive how stupid I was to make such an ignorant comment that was so insensitive and ignorant. I really feel like a fucking dumbass now. I knew May was already sensitive so why did I say something as stupid as that!?!? I don't know how I'm going to face her in school from now on because I really feel embarrassed over this. I am such an asshole.

I really hope May forgives me... Since she's in my art class and it'll be so awkward to face her every week...

I really hope she forgives me...

EDIT :

Okay... after thinking about this incident for awhile I'm thinking why am I bringing myself down for keeping it real with her? Maybe I was a little too isnensitive about it, but must she go this far to verbally abuse me like that in her blog? 'shove my sadness in my face'? WHEN DID I DO THAT!? I meant it as a joke!!!

 

OH AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUNNY THING WAS!? I sat right beside her on Thursday,27th October, when the blog post was actually posted on 26th october. and she didn't even confront me about it and I had to find out after reading her blog today....

I guess some people can't take jokes. Although I don't feel that I'm really in the wrong, I still hope I could be friends with her, she was a really nice person when she wasn't all bipolar up my ass...

hmph...

 

Painted my shoes...

So this pair of shoes were really worn out and I decided to splatter water cour paint on it to make it look 'new' again.You may be saying ' Are you stupid why would you use watercolor?' .So I can leave a rainbow trail when it rains :)

Like Nyancat...

Rainy day at the bus stop

So I'm sitting here alone at the bus stop on a gloomy rainy day with thunder.,.Most may see it as a negative, gloomy atmosphere, but I see it as an opportunity for a great picture on the phone...

Deepavali at Dev's house

Yesterday I went to Dev's house to celebrate Deepavali. He has been a great friend of mine for almost 9 years. Everything was so beautiful there.Anyway , I decided to wear my Dr Martens boots to take the circle line to Holland Village and it was SOOOOO awkward! Everyone was staring at me and/or my shoes.Usually I get stares for my tall height but it was even worse when i wore the dr martens because it added around 3cm to my height which made me over 190cm!! So the whole ride there was awkward.It was my first time taking the circle line and unlike the MRT, I don't have to bend my head just to enter. Anyway the party at dev's house was amazing. His house was already beautiful to begin with : He had a carpark with 7 cars, a lift up to the swimming pool deck and the MAIN house...And in that main house there are 2 more levels! He has like 5 maids and for this party his parents hired chefs and a catered buffet! Anyway me and Dev lighted candles from the stairs leading all the way from the carpark to the front door and it was amazing! Take a look!!!

Dev was lighting the candles...It looks like a wand here.

This was taken in his carpark.. The candles were equally spaced out. It was beautiful...

WHAT A SPREAD!

Freaking nice sculpture in Dev's room!

Buffet...

Playing with the firework sparklers!

Me and Dev

Dev Eating

Dev's Dining Room

But since I was vegetarian, I really couldn't eat much because all the dishes were either meat or contained meat...But great party! It was nice reuniting with him again after about a year of not seeing him...

So happy today!

I got a pair of Dr. martens shoes! I LOVE IT! I'm gonna wear them to school tomorrow even though I might get caught hahaha.Today started on a bad note.It was complicated.I was supposed to meet char, carly and Natalie to shop today at BUGIS for the fred perry's sale.But then me and char were still at orchard and we rushed to BUGIS because we thought nat was there.But when we got to BUGIS, we called her and she said she was in orchard when I didn't. Anyway after that I ha to pick carly from the national library since she wanted to borrow some books and she used my EZ link card to borrow. And she called
Me a 'douche' because I was late...I was Really angry.Anyway after we rushed to orchard everyone was angry at me and blame me for the whole situation.I rly don't know why I let people push me over so easily.Anyway I'm trying to think positive with my new pair of shoes.Check them our!!!

I got caught...

OMG!!! This morning during assembly at school, one of my female classmates saw the cuts on my wrists and directly asked me 'Why did you cut yourself?'. I was so scares and shocked.I told her ' I fell down' and she didn't believe.So I finally told her 'Please don't tell anyone' and she said 'Okay, but I'll talk to you later'...This was so dejavu.Back to my secondary school days.But at least she promised to keep it a secret, Hopefully. I really should have worn a watch to cover the scars today...Anyway so far today has been okay..I hope the scars heal soon..I really don't want to hide my arm from everyone when I talk to them...

I feel so HORRIBLE

Okay right now I feel so fucking horrible... I don't know if I am going to be promoted to Year 2 of college. Even though I've gotten back my results, I am still unsure if I passed 3 subjects out of 4 because the overall grade for the whole year has not been released.And I'm unsure about geography but I know I definitely passed art and failed literaturezm.So if I don't pass geography, im a goner.What's even worse is that the promotional results won't be released until 17th November...so that's one month of torture ... And...(I know it seems things can't get any worse) I have project work which I have to complete which is included in my A level results...So I have to TRY to concentrate on PW while still worrying about my promotional status...Because I know if I retain in year 1, I'd rather leave for an ARTS school like LASALLE. These few days have been so stressful all I'm doing now is binging on online television shows..

Anyway, today we had project work the whole day and it's been a bitch.It seems that I'm the problem of every problem just because some people don't know how to communicate.One of my group members wanted me to transfer some slides into our presentation and I asked if it was the same one as yesterday's when it wasn't.And when we went for a rehearsal all the blame was pushed to me.And even I thought I was in the wrong at that moment until I think about it now...Omg why can't I be quick witted and think on the spot and rebutt someone's false accusations?...

Sighs....
I want to just start cutting myself right now...

Yes , I'll do just that.

Cutting

I've begun to cut myself again after all the sadness these past few days. But I don't want people to find out.Maybe I shouldn't be so stupid to do it on my wrist...Maybe somewhere obscure like my legs...

Anyway, today when I was in school one of my good friends saw the cuts on my left arm and asked if I've been cutting myself.I felt really bad about lying but I just had to.She d my arm to check and I pulled my arm away and ran away.I shouldn't be so stupid in the future :(

Sad

Just got back my promos reilts today. e for lit and Ungraded for geog and C for art.I need to pass grog to pass because I failed lit overall so in counting on my tests and assignments to pull me up..Sad..If I retain I will leave school for good

Dear Diary

These past few weeks have been crazy. School has been super boring lately and our teacher told us we did badly for the promotional exam for Geography...Hmph. Anyway, I've been feeling down lately because my art teacher found out I was gay.It's not that I'm afraid of discrimination, I just feel uncomfortable letting a teacher know, I don't know why, I guess it's because I don't want it to come up in a casual chat with him(Which still doesn't answer my fears of being publicly gay) .Or maybe it's just that my sexuality has always been a secret and only close friends know about it and it somehow spread to him.Maybe my close friends aren't that close afterall...

OMG

Today was the most tiring day ever. We had to endure 12 hrs of school just to go through the answers to our exam papers! WITHOUT THE PAPERS!!! Right now I'm really toured out with veins in my eye and dark circles with broken capillaries...It's just really bad.I look like a mess right now.Ok time to sleep now...At 5.30pm in the afternoon lol...Bye

End of Exams

Finally my promotional exams are over! Now my worries are over,well not really...I've signed up for an Overseas educational trip to New Zealand in late November and I've already paid the deposit for the trip.And I know that if I were to do badly for the exams , I would not stay but i'll leave school.But you may wonder why I signed up in the first place.It's because one of my friends was going for the trip because I told her I was going when I was considering...So i felt bad and went..I guess I'm.too soft hearted...And right now school is getting lonelier and lonelier...Nevermind I'll just endure and hope for the best :)

Another lonely day...

Today I had paper 2 of my geography exam and it was much better than paper 1 but still I feel unsafe.Anyway n one from my class has been talking to me and I feel really lonely and upset. I just feel awkward when I talk to people from my class, like we have nothing in common.Anyway ,When my class left school everyone was divides into small groups chatting away while I was walking alone between them.It was so weird.Nevermind, I guess I have my true friends from the other classes...

I hate my brother so much right now

I'm on the verge of crying.My brother knocked on my door so loudly because my cat was meowing outside my door wanting to get in. I said later and he just kept knocking and knocking and when I opened the cat was not there .Then I said 'THE CAT'S NOT HERE ' and he started knocking on my door to annoy me.OMG SO IRRITATING.I felt like hitting him but I'm not gonna start something.Anyway after that he just kept walking past my room and knocking and when I asked him to stop he said 'I don't want, I want to annoy you' IRRITATING ASSHOLE...UGH....

Study snack

Studying for tomorrow's geography paper while munching on some tomatoes :)

Beautiful view outside my window

Sometimes when I feel down, I open the curtains of my window and gaze out for a few minutes.Always cheers me up :)

Just got braces rubber bands

Wow I just got my braces bands and it's so irritating.I have to change it every meal and it looks horrible :

Close Call

OMG that was so scary. I left my room for the toilet with a gay webpage on my compouter screen and my mom walked in to find a book!! But luckily she didn't look at the screen and I managed to escape by a crack.OMG it would have been terrible if she found out I was gay...sighs...=(