I've had a blast these past 2 weeks =! Had outings with my matriculation group, and been feeling really popular around school. When I walk around school now, I seem to always be constantly waving at people and saying 'hi!' but even though I know many people, it seems I have really little or no 'best' friends at all. I have no one to really confide to and everything about me seems to be a facade. I guess maybe it's because of the enviropnment I'm in, you know, being in the arts stream in college. I feel that the people who are in Arts can be really fake at times and the friendliness is really just for show while the people in the Science stream are more direct and what you see is what you get, maybe that's why they may not be popular. But those are the people who I really would want to hang out with, to talk to, to confide into and know that they can be trustworthy and not be such a big mouthed bitch. I've met people who are big mouthed bitches, but I'm still good friends with them... WHY? I don't understand too. Is it because of their other qualities and that's why I let the bitchy side of them go? But if I were to search for a really good friend, shouldn't they have all the qualities which I would adore? Maybe it's because I WANT to hang out with people who are cooler, or with higher social status in school. I feel like I'm so fake to people sometimes even when I don't like them. I Find myself bitching behind people's backs. But then I'm becoming the person I hate. A total HYPOCRITE.Right now, I'm just trying to treasure the people around me, after all, it's only a couple of months before I graduate and lose all those connections. But I've met people in the science stream who are fucking REAL and HONEST and truly nice. But the people in the arts don't like them because they are too friendly and maybe too 'transparent' to them and it doesn't come off as 'cool' or 'popular' behaviour... /// But I really want to hand out with those people, but I also want to have REAL FUN with the people who seem to be nice. Because the people who are truly nice may be boring at times while the people who are fake seem to have more fun... Oh well, It's really stressful... I'm gonna get more wrinkles...
SPEAKING OF WRINKLES, I've been getting dark circles and my wrinkles have worsened since school re-opened! Omg. Sleeping later than 12am every night and then getting up at 6am really is wearing me out and I haven't gotten a single absent for school in 2 weeks! ( I know it may sound ridiculous that I ditch school so often but I'm really tired out). Anyway, I'm spending alot of time on art now and really focusing on my A level coursework!....
LIFE OF A JC KID IS SO STRESSFUL...
OH YEA BEFORE I FORGET, I GOT A 'BOB'/ BOWL HAIRCUT! I love it!! although it may look stupid but now I have a new style...lol...
Me & My Classmate, Lilyn
Me & Mabel
With Mabel, I don't know where our friendship stands. She tells me that she's my 'bestfriend' but I don't really feel it. Yes, I treasure our friendship but I feel that sometimes I don't mean anything to her at all and I'm just one of the people she finds funny and I'm just for her entertainment. BUT, why do I not go up to her and confront her to clarify our relationship? It's probably because she would be hurt and claim that she really treasures me/ doesn't want to be transparent and reveal her feelings and thus get angry/ or I REALLY TREASURE THIS FRIENDSHIP AND MAYBE I'M THE ONE TAKING IT THE WRONG WAY...
I just feel I have lack of best friends in school and a huge crowd of acquaintances and good friends...
Hmmph... Well, it's better than no friends...
:(
Lazy Leon
No comments:
Post a Comment